Everyone, here is your next obsession. Meet DIBALDANYA, a hot and single bimbo from Marseille. In her sparetime, Dibaldanya enjoys sunbathing under the hot sun of Marseille whilst reading tons of books (Cosmo, Marie-Claire, Schopenhauer…). After her long days of doing nothing, Dibaldanya always goes shopping with her daddies’ credit cards. How many dads can one have ? She stopped counting. Who needs to be good at maths when you’re that cute anyway ? After her inexistant studies, Dibaldanya went on to pursue a modelling career in the south of France, in search for the recognition she yearned for. Convinced that beauty does come from the inside, she made sure plastic and botox were injected into her body. « Natural beauty is so pretentious », she likes to say.

Already seduced by her charm ? Then you won’t be disappointed. Ladies, look out ! Didi (as she likes to be called) isn’t afraid to steal a taken man away. Men, watch out for your dignity. Didi collects men like she collects Birkin bags. Girl power, as she claims under each of her instagram posts, filled with nudity and luxury. But don’t hate her cos’ she’s beautiful, okay ?

Like her or not, Dibaldanya is ready to take French television by storm, and become the successful influencer she always dreamt of (although the job’s only existed since 2015). So turn on the TV, and get ready to be turned on.

Admit it. You’ve watched it too. You even enjoyed it. I’m sure you did it when nobody was watching you… Don’t be shy honey, no one is judging you here. And I’m not talking about porn this time (don’t even start me on that), but about TV Reality. I know the title says so, but can’t you act a little surprised for once ?

TV Reality has been over all our tv sets for a long time now, more than 20 years. As it first dragged a lot of attention from the public (over 5 million viewers at the time), it has become quite less succesful, numberwise. But nowadays, its influence and aura are far bigger than it ever were, and almost everyone from 10 to 35 years old knows an awful lot about it. Sadly, most pretend they don’t. Why is that ? Have people become so stupid they thought watching something stupid would make them stupid ? Who knows… Even worse, many loves to dish on French TV Reality and its people (like Dibaldanya ❤) as if insulting something or someone would make them smarter. Is that what billion years of civilization turned us into ? Into unconscious pretentious pricks that reject themselves and care too much about others’ opinions ? You are absolutely entitled to dislike something, but insulting it won’t make you look better. And if you do like it, speak up. Those people judging you for it aren’t worth a damn. And don’t forget there may be one out of them that also enjoys it like you do, if not many. OH MY G, do we also need a TV reality Coming-Out now ? And what about a TV Reality Anonymous Meetings ? Hell, Jean-Maxime, admit it. You like watching TV Reality just like you enjoy jerking off on Dibaldanya. Or maybe not Dibaldanya, but other one of those bitches, you know, the less hairy ones. And to those sadistic other there, that watch TV Reality to make fun of it, you’re not better. You like to think they’re stupid, but they’re making tons of money because of people like you. Remember, viewership = moulaga for them. So who’s the idiot now ?

Today, you can’t scroll on Instagram without spotting one of them. A few years back, we would all make fun of them, of those fit bodies and long lustrious hair, and now, here we are following them on social media. They’re all boasting a perfect life, filtered with exotic travels and designer bags. Some even became parents, or entrepreneurs. You may have bought something from China thanks to their promotional codes. They are so “in” the people who think they don’t are out. Ever heard of Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian ? Where do you think they’re coming from, Harvard ? Hell no sweetie. Yet, people are still mocking them even if they proved them wrong, many times by now. That’s the thing about French TV, it has been late for a long time, thinking people from those programs didn’t have anything to offer besides their plastiques. We took years to appreciate what TV Reality can bring : coverage, mostly. Theses hopeful candidates own a large audience, made with a young impressionable clientele. Social media helped them, with numbers showing off their popularity. From skincare brands to rappers, everyone wants a piece of the cake now, which made me wonder : why do we need time to recognize the value of things ? Is it impossible for us to trust one right from the beginning ? This phenomenon shows how we all need to always have second thoughts on things. Because something you once made fun of, can one day become so big you cannot even ignore it anymore. Obviously, being on such shows does not necessarily mean you will be successful. But not Dibaldanya, she has all it takes to become the next it-girl. I can tell you.

Business aside, why do people think they’re so stupid after all ? Isn’t there is some kind of hypocrisy here, or even jealousy ? Because if you put a camera on me every day, a lot of bullshit would come out of my mouth. I may be a blogger, but I don’t talk like Platoon every minute of every hour, just like everyone I guess. And don’t tell me the thought of being on a reality show never crossed your mind. Who wouldn’t want to lay around all day in a bikini (trikini, burkini, whatever) sunbathing among hot single people and being paid for that ? Doesn’t this sound like the perfect vacation ? If not, you should maybe check in psychiatry. Is it really a trait of the human nature ? To reject things you want deep down and reproach those with doing so ? First the judgment and now the regret turned into mockery. How sad are we ?

Apart from glancing over at hot tanned bodies, TV reality shows a wide spread of emotions. Feelings and behaviours we all experience such as anger, jealousy, pettiness or lust (and love sometimes) are displayed in those shows. This is why it is so catchy, without mentioning the voyeurism. Such feelings are used every day by traditional media in order to attract the audience. As for me, I believe political debates are much more interesting when participants clash with another. TV reality simply gave birth to the buzz culture. It sure existed before, but you just wouldn’t put a name on that. When Loana had sex in the swimming-pool, everyone was there with her. Same happened when Nabilla bought shampoo. They offer people what they want : fake stupidity to laugh at, sex, strong emotions… TV Reality has deeply understood the human nature, and plays with it at all times, at all costs. Yet, you still think you’re the smart guy here.

Anyway, Dibaldanya does not care about it all. When the show came to an end, Didi already had earned a massive fan base on the internet. Her exceptional silhouette and catchphrases made her a star, not to forget her tremendous romance with Jean-Mario, a young casanova who likes to sing under the shower (and decided to make a career out of it). Both can now be seen in Dubai, living off product placements and her make-up brand “made in Italy”. But it was damn easy, she just followed the recipe religiously… Girls before her came and succeeded, so did she following their steps. Now must come the time for her to model in a rapper’s song clip. “Eminem would be a good fit” she proudly said in an interview. Then, she’ll have made it. But in the meantime, she’s just too busy having fun fleeing taxes and shopping. In order to keep on the good work and make her fans drool over her perfect life, she and Jean-Mario decided to get married and are already planning on having babies. It’s only been 3 months, but the love is passionate they say. Disney Land is booked for their upcoming wedding. With special guests like Mickey Mouse and Gérard Darmanin, she’ll sure have the big media coverage she always wanted. Girls all over France, Belgium and Kazakhstan (she’s big there) will be dead jealous, buying her shit online thinking this will lead them to the same lifestyle.

But who cares after all, she can’t help it if people follow her. She’s just a girl who has it all. In theory.

Jordan

Easy-going 27 year-old bitch.