Jealous already ? Meet my daddy and me in our hottest attires. Nothing’s better than a throwback picture to honour him on his day. Here we were together in Santo Domingo, chasing the sunlight by day and the darkest bars by night. Rhum and cigars didn’t leave us the whole trip, and my fast 10 year-old metabolism kept asking for more. Something Daddy Dustin sure could provide me. Ain’t he the best daddy in the world ? Move over Lolita, Lolito just landed !  

Oops, looks like I’m late again (but definitely not pregnant). Daddy’s day was yesterday and here I am posting a picture of my non-daddy and me 24 hours after the storm. Being late sure brings back memory of my real daddy so let’s say I got the memo right. But let’s hope he did not see the multiple daddies I sent greetings to yesterday. Otherwise, my name will be gone from the will any minute… But who cares since I got him a cute present and by present, I mean me which is more than enough and expensive already. Ain’t he lucky…

Although Dustin isn’t my real daddy, don’t you agree our daddies are always seen as stars among families ? Despite anything they’ve done or not, they’ve always benefited from this persona. Our capitalist patriarchal world made sure they turnt to be the providers and soldiers of families. Strong, hard-working, no display of emotions, those are some of the qualities we expect from them while we expect our moms to be patient and nurturing. As far as I remember, we’ve contributed to this sick pattern since childhood. « My dad is stronger than yours », « He could take your dad in a minute » « His dick is bigger » (oops, wrong daddy). You remember saying that, don’t you ? Who cares about moms, they were just out there making cookies or fucking the gardener. But no moms ever looked like Eva Longoria, so that’s just an urban myth. Cookies, they were just making cookies.

 Joke aside, don’t you believe dads tend to be lousy because no one expects from them that much ? People always complain about their daddy issues and incriminate them for anything that happened in their lives, No Susie, you did not have sex with your 43 year-old philosophy teacher because your dad missed your recital in 1998. In our post-modern world where it’s more common to fuck 40 year-old men than get a seat on the subway, are our so-called daddy issues real or just an excuse to land men with nice appartments ? After getting the hundreth message from HornyDaddy on Grindr, I couldn’t help but wonder : aren’t the daddies actually the one with the daddy issues ? I mean, why are they so eager to fuck people who could be their children ? Don’t give me the youth argument, that just got old. Is their love for youngsters their therapy to make amends with their own children ? Gee, that almost sounds like a Greek porn tragedy. So maybe it’s time we try to understand daddies before we judge them. Especially if they’re as hot and rich as Dustin.

Seriously, how can you act a certain way if no one made you understand your value ? Sadly, I believe this is something that starts from the beginning, even before you were born. Women made fun of men and told them they’re just sperm donors, that they are more important since they carry the child. Some men are left out, even worse, forgotten, the day the child leaves the vagina. And if the hubby can’t give the love the woman demands, she will get it from her child. Man I sound like a science teacher. It just looks like balance in the couple will help children more than the parents themselves. Happy couple = happy baby ? Never been good at maths but this sounds right, right Pythagoras ?

That Greek bitch still hasn’t answered my email, I’m sure he’s a shitty daddy too. But the Greeks might have been onto something so I’ll leave you alone on that one Pythagoras. But don’t forget, Dibald’ is a star, not your daddy. Oops gotta go, Daddy #5 just called me, and he’s hungry for my cookies.

Jordan

Easy-going 27 year-old bitch.