Wanna do this lovely make-up at home and look like a dead hooker under a bridge like me ? Well read me out, and prepare to lose all your money (or should I say dignity) at the Sephora next door. First DIY on the blog people ! Don’t get too emotional, you don’t want to lose all your mascara, am I right ladies ?

Almost a year and a half ago, I took part in a « photoshoot » (lolz, watch out Vogue) with my classmates to promote make-up for men. For your information, it was a very exciting and interesting project to run as I was the only representation of the male persona in the group. But it seems like even as a strong manly phallus wearing-body, I couldn’t help to look like a gurl, yet again. Looks like some old habits really die hard (like the whore in me), but let me share some insights about that day with you. It was so much fun to play with all these tools, the colors, the different textures and stuff. The chicas of my group enjoyed painting my face and I loved being their barbie doll. I felt like a little princess getting ready to go to the ball with my handsome and rich real-estate tycoon. Hopefully for me, dreaming isn’t illegal. As I gradually noticed my surprising beauty transformation in the miror, my confidence rose to the stars. And I can tell you I rocked this shoot like no one (Tyra Banks would be so proud).

Feel like you already read about this, haven’t you ? That’s right, I already wrote an engaged statement about this topic on my Instagram page that I’m sure you posted on your fridge (#REPOST !). So you can consider yourself lucky as I’m not going to serve you again the big douchy tolerant democrat speech about how everyone should be able to wear make-up bla bla bla. Yes, I still agree with the fact that women, men and monkeys are all equally legitimate to wear those fancy yet extremely expensive and environmental-unfriendly artefacts (hello l’Oreal Paris). But there is something I still don’t understand about make-up. Seriously, why do you feel the need to wear it ? As I walked past the Sephora on the shitty Champs-Elysées this morning, I couldn’t help but wonder : what is it, that makes women and some men crazy enough to spend hours and tons of money at the beauty department ? And right there, face to face with my reflection on the showcases, I got my answer. The purpose of make-up isn’t just to enhance your features and make you look good. You put make-up on to escape reality. That spot you’ve had for days, hidden ! Be gone those dryness, wrinkles and black heads and dark circles (a little racist this make-up). All those flaws you hated so much about yourself, may they disappear in the darkness of insecurity and self-doubt. Because now that you’re wearing the last Chanel foundation, you’re someone else. Or at least, that’s what you thought. Cheers to you Marketing and Advertising. And congratulations for screwing up with our society.

Sadly, that brain-washing even worked on me. If I quickly understood the feelings of all those make-up afficionados queuing at Sephora, that’s because I myself experienced it. After shooting the pictures of our project last year, things took another turn. After feeling awesomely good with no flaws in sight, I had to wash my face and get back to reality. As I slowly removed my fresh and new face in front of the miror, my dream crashed. All the sudden, I looked like shit and my rich real-estate emperor transformed into a poor virgin Lego addict who lives with his parents’ garage. It was cool to look nice and glowy, but I knew this wasn’t true. So I know what motivates so many people to watch lame DIY on youtube now.

You think I’m being too harsh ? Hell no. I may be okay for men to wear make-up, but the funny thing is I’m not even okay for make-up in general. I mean wear it if you want, just don’t abuse it to the point where you look like someone else. Because once you can ‘t go out without some on your face, that’s when the drama starts. Why would we have to hide our flaws so much ? Is it that unhuman to not look perfect sometimes ? Women have been struggling with cruel beauty standards for so long now, they got tired of it. So much the make-up industry had to find new customers and turned to screw men up now. Because I can tell you contouring and highlighters aren’t the answers to all your issues. It does even make things worse. Don’t you know that hiding something makes it look even more noticeable ? No Einstein theory here, just logic.

Sure, playing with make-up is fine until you start relying on it too much. Just like you should let your skin breathe, relax and embrace your look. Woops, just got an email from Sephora with a 25% discount on my next purchase, who wants it ?

Jordan

Easy-going 27 year-old bitch.