You guys ! I found out my new dream job : cat sitter. Being an influencer was not enough for me, I felt like something was missing in my life. And nothing’s better to fill the void by taking care of the life of a precious being. Sure I could also help the migrants find a job or a home, but they aren’t as cute as Pookie aren’t they ? The power of beauty in action, not my fault people.

I know, don’t get me started on her name. I swear she wasn’t named after Aya Nakamura, altough she did appreciate her songs too. Pookie belongs to my cousin Jade who escaped the parisian heatwave this summer to bathe under the Portugese sun. As she knew my love for cats, Jade asked me to keep her pussy for three weeks this august. So the sweet soul that I am took care of her big hairy pussy like it was mine. Let’s hope her gf isn’t jealous by the way. Besides, as a professional influencer, how can you say no to keeping an animal (as long as it’s cute) ? Deep down, I saw in her more than just a cute company : likes, engagement, fun stories, MONEY, SUCCESS, POWER, GLORY. In any words, the true trophy that would take my influencer game to a whole new level. Isn’t life good when you say meow ?

So when Jade dropped her home, I was more than happy, especially since Pookie already knew my place and Dibald’. Twice she came into our mansion, this summer and last december. Two times when I learnt more about myself than I could ever believe. Vacuuming the last pieces of her meow hairs out of my leopard couch, I wondered : are kitties the new therapists ?  

You may also wonder whether I’m obsessed with cats but let’s not forget the point here : get yourself a kitty and you’ll soon find out what’s wrong in your life. You’ll also find out cats can be pretty vicious and are the meanest gold-diggers any soccer players on the planet dread. But Pookie wasn’t like that, at least as long as I gave her her favorite tuna (olive oil marinated fwi). She was just as sweet and nurturing as a live teddy bear.

The first time she came, she only stayed for 5 days. I wasn’t working during those days, so I got to stay with her all day long. Five days when all I would do was playing with her and cuddling her. She was very young back then but you already could tell her bitchy potential. When she left, it felt like something was definitely missing in my life : affection. People often say cats aren’t as present as dogs, but I didn’t get that impression from Pookie. Maybe she was just happy I gave her treats all day without conditions. Treats or not, I had the best 5 days I’ve had in a long time. Don’t you worry, no sex was involved with Pookie, let’s not forget pussies aren’t my thing, but when she left, I cried my eyes out. People around me woudn’t believe I cried because of a cat, but I really did. I guess she just made me realize how lonely I was and how much I missed affection (but from a man please). Now I get it why single people have a cat. So don’t ever laugh at someone’s love for their animal, you don’t know how much they gey from them.  

This summer, she stayed at our hotel for 3 weeks. And that bitch didn’t pay. Can you believe ? 21 days of serving that big mount of hairs (that reminds me of my last relationship with an Iranian). I got way more time to play with her. And that’s only what I did. Besides leaving the house to get waisted, I got high at home playing with her. It was a drug I couldn’t resist. I wouldn’t even write, exercice or eat correctly. My life was revolving around this kitty. The cute thing is she couldn’t bear staying home alone, so whenever I came back to the house, she would jump at me and chase me around to make me play with her. At one of our hide and seek games (they were violent), I suddenly realized : all this time I was playing hide and seek with my feelings too, not to forget my needs. So I swore to her I would now work hard to live my dream life and provide her with her favorite treats. Cos’ you sure know Spanish olive oil tuna is damn expensive.

Who would have thought an animal could make you live so many emotions ? Joy, sadness, hope, desillusionment… this was better than all the movies available in theater now. So next time one of your relatives asks you to keep his pet, think twice. You won’t regret it, unless it’s ugly then drop it at the closest highway. But not Pookie, she deserves the best.

But now, the most important question of all : will I get a cat ? Nah, already had one when I was 10 and he was amazing. No cat can live up to Filou. But I’m sure he and Pookie would have been great buddies.

Jordan

Easy-going 27 year-old bitch.