Howdy you all ! It’s been a while now, hasn’t it ? I missed you guys, I mean I missed writing on my little computer about my moods. And I’m sure you missed us too. Don’t be shy, you can tell me. Don’t you worry, that won’t make you gay so if you plan on going to Brunei you’ll still can go. 

Last night, after smoking way too much (nothing illegal I swear) and listening to George Michael’s Freedom song to the point where I’d pretend to be more Linda than Evangelista could ever be, some thoughts hit my mind. As this is the only stuff that actually made me smile recently (quite simple am I after all the likes and glitters), I suddenly wondered : is happiness even real ? In those rare yet common moments of sadness, where everything seems wrong and you can’t seem to do anything to make it better, is happiness truly at the end of the tunnel ? Or is it just some crappy utopic concept put in our brains through advertising and all to make us all fail ? Happiness is one of those double agent we fancy in movies but hate in real. You think it’s your friend until you realize you’re sad. Then it turns into your worst enemy you could possibly face. And what is it really ? A laughter ? A loving companion ? Playing with a dog ? It’s a moment, that’s all. Because once you’re full of joy, you know deep down it won’t last. You’re happy until the minute you need to be more happy. You may not admit you missed me, but you sure admit this has already happened to you (oh you’re smiling now aren’t you). Smiley face, sad, smiley face, sad (repeat, without counting). Forget the bipolarity possibility here, but think about it. We’re all humans after all. And if the Daft said so, then true it is. Please put your Bible away for a moment for Christ’s sake and put on Itunes (or Youtube for those who don’t have Iphones). Poor them….

But more seriously, how is it that even if the life of abundance we live, we can still manage to find unsatisfaction to our existence ? I don’t know about you, but in times of pain, I struggle to even complain. And this sounds as true as it is rythmic. Is there anyhing such as legally sad ? Emmanuel should do something about it, Because as much as I could cry about some issues of my own, someone is living something even worse at the same time. That’s what makes me feel like I’m in no place to whine. Sadly, all the wine I could drink would not make things better (lame pun but true story). But after few times of uncertainty, I finally listenened to one of my friend’s advice : it’s okay to be sad, just like it’s okay to be gay (but it’s still not okay to go to Brunei though). In the end, I just had to accept the pain to release it, instead of avoiding it for a long time and pretending everything was fine. Yearning for happiness to come knock at my door wasn’t the solution. And in the meantime, the clock is still ticking, so it’s simply a matter of time before I turn happy again, to then get sad. So why wait for it anyway ?

I can’t get no satisfaction*. Until the next hour. And so do you.

That’s why I never wear a watch.

*to be read Rolling Stones style

Jordan

Easy-going 27 year-old bitch.